Islamist Gate, by Azza Radwan Sedky
Jewish bride Rivka Hannah (Hofman) sits next to her groom Aharon Krois during the Mitzvah Tans dance ritual following their wedding in Jerusalem. (Credit: Getty Images)
So I did the unforgivable—I turned the TV on at 3 p.m., something I never do. Wanting to know how the weather was going to fare for the weekend, I landed on Ricki Lane’s talk show. I would have flipped channels, but the topic she was discussing caught my attention—unconventional marriages.
The couple she was interviewing was an ultraconservative Jew—a strict observer of Judaism. They were on the show to exhibit how different their relationship and wedlock is in comparison to the norm in the West. The couple had never touched, not even a handshake, before the male put the wedding ring on the female's forefinger.
He had a thick, burly beard, and she had red, curly hair, which later proved to be a wig. As the show progressed, the resemblance between how the couple led their lives and how their Muslim counterparts led theirs became evident. The thick beard and the covered hair were the first signs.
They showed footage of their wedding. The rituals were unique. She covered her face with a white obscuring veil. She literally could not see where she was going, which was why she was being led to where her husband-to-be was standing. What came to mind immediately was Nader Bakkar, the prominent Egyptian Salafist , and his bride’s photograph. His bride had her face completely covered—a common practice amongst ultraconservative Muslims.
The Jewish groom then put the ring on his bride’s forefinger. This was the first time he literally laid a finger on her. No, he hadn’t touched her hand before. No display of empathy or comfort, no manifestation of trust or affection had existed between them. It goes without saying that they hadn’t touched any one from the opposite sex either. And both had been celibate all their lives.
Back to the wedding—the second after the ring 'ritual' was to send them off to a private room, not for any hanky-panky business mind you; “It was all PG,” according to the wife, but having them secluded in this fashion meant that they had become one. At the same time, and before the couple joined the party outside, they ate. They had been fasting all day. Jews fast regularly. Some of their fasts go for 25 hours, and others from sunrise till sunset.
The couple goes on in a description of how they met. When he saw her, he wanted to get to know her better. In a conservative Jewish society, the aim for dating is to find out if the man and woman fit, so he asked his sisters if they could introduce him to her. He couldn’t possibly go and ask her out on a date. It would have bluntly meant: “I’m considering marrying you; let’s head out on a date.” The sisters made this transition easier. Again, in traditional and conservative Muslim societies, a respectable man would go to his family to seek such a bond very similar to the approach the Jews take.
Though this couple came across as not your norm, the talk show host, the audience, and the marriage counselor brought in to shed more light on the uniqueness of this marriage all respected the couple accepting their unconventionality. The discussion portrayed no criticism or judgement.
Here I stopped. How is this couple any different from any ultraconservative Muslim couple? The broader lines of this couple’s life are closely akin to how ultraconservative Muslims lead theirs. If this is the case, why is the Jewish way acceptable around the world, as seen in this show, and the conservative Muslim’s isn’t?
First, a distinction needs to be made between devout Muslims and militant Islamists. Conservative, pious Muslims lead lives similar to the one Jews ordain; Islamists lead a different one altogether. Unable to tell a Muslim apart from an extremist is the first mistake an outsider makes.
Having made this distinction, the main difference lies in how much a Jew or a Muslim tries to enforce his ways on society in general if not the world. The Jewish couple lives a certain way but doesn’t consider changing others to live similarly. Islamists, on the other hand, believe their way is the only way. You are either an adhering Muslim or you are an infidel, a disbeliever, or an enemy.
As Islamists resort to violence to implement their beliefs, they scar the image of all Muslims, terrorizing other Muslims and non-Muslims alike. And this is why others fear them and look upon them with disdain.
It is the prerogative of fundamentalists to live the way they so desire, but they shouldn’t expect others to follow suit—to everyone his own.
Respect, tolerance, and appreciation of others are the key to a peaceful world.